TBRI Tip #13: Check-In’s

Check-in is a part of TBRI Nurture Groups that can be effectively used independently of an actual group. Nurture Groups are 6-part structured TBRI group that helps to develop the 4 Skills of Meaningful Relationships as defined by Jude Cassidy (2001):

1.     Give Care

2.     Receive Care

3.     Practice Autonomy

4.     Negotiate Needs

During Check-in, a question is asked by a caregiver/parent that is interesting and fun. Check-in provides an opportunity for your child to practice being heard and give care by listening to others. They also have permission to pass on participating by using good words such as, “I’d rather not today”. This creates a sense of autonomy and being able to negotiate their needs. Using Check-in questions is an intentional way to share power with your child as each person takes a turn saying their answer and listening attentively to each other. 

Teach and Apply Check-In

Check-in questions can be attached to a daily event as a way to anchor the skill. For example, Check-in questions can be done each night at the dinner table as a way to share and bring laughter to the table. Using a “magic feather” held by the person talking gives the person holding it special courage, as did for the elephant to fly in the movie Dumbo. The “magic feather” can be anything you have around the house that can be held like a microphone or it can be something specially purchased like a flashing globe light for extra fun. This item is passed around to each family member as they take their turn to talk while others listen. Some examples of Check-in questions include: 

·       What is your favorite color and why?

·       If you could be any animal, what would it be and why?

It’s important to keep in mind that your goal is to give and receive care with your child as they do the same with you. Whatever your child’s answer is, it’s okay. They may be being vulnerable and sharing something personal, so it’s important to be accepting of whatever they say. If your child doesn’t want to answer, don’t try to talk them into it. Instead just allow their autonomy and share with them how to use respectful words to not share, if they need it. They are learning a lot from you just by being able to express their need and have it be honored, to be independent of others and figure out how to negotiate their needs. Begin with fun and light questions to earn their trust that this is a safe activity. In time they may be more willing to share answers to deeper questions such as, “When is a time you felt embarrassed?” Check-in questions are a fun, easy way to connect with your child on a regular basis!