Welcome! TBRI Tip 1: Compromises
Hello and Welcome TBRI Tips!
TBRI® stands for Trust-Based Relational Intervention. It is a holistic, attachment-based, evidenced based and trauma-informed intervention that is designed to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children. Learning TBRI chunk by chunk, tip by tip, is one of the best ways to be able to apply it!
Compromises
Compromise is actually a strategy that is found in both the Connecting and Correcting Principles of TBRI. Compromises is a strategy in the Connecting Principle because giving children appropriate levels of power over their own lives is a way to build connection and trust. Compromises are used in the Correcting Principle initially as a Proactive Strategy. By teaching compromises proactively we can give a child the feeling that they have a say in what’s happening. We call that giving voice. Giving voice is taught throughout TBRI as one of the most important things we can do with vulnerable children, or kids from hard places, as Drs. Purvis and Cross from TCU prefer to call it. Compromises are also a Responsive Strategy for a behavior where a child doesn’t respond to an initial playful response or request. At this point a child may be heading toward dysregulation and by using a word they’ve had experience with, like compromise, they can quickly get back online in their thinking brain rather than going to their fear brain.
Teach and Apply Compromises
It’s important to teach about what the word compromise means when your child is calm. It’s also important to do it in a fun way, like using cookies. For example, you can practice with your child about how they want three cookies and you want them to have one cookie and so you’re going to give a compromise by giving them two cookies (then really give them and yourself two cookies to enjoy together!). After they’ve had some understanding of the word and fun with you, ask them to give you an example of a compromise. Later try using the word at other times during the day when things are calm. You can ask them if they want a compromise from what you initially asked or offered. Also they can ask you for a compromise or a different choice if they don’t want to do or have what you offered. If they do this, give them lots of praise, like, “great job using the word compromise” and give them a high five or whatever is appropriate for you. But be sure to acknowledge it with words as it will get logged in their brain as a good behavior. We call that Marking the Task. Compromises keep behavior moving so you don’t get stuck in a battle. Be sure to use compromises in good times first so your child understands it, then you can apply it in crunch or difficult times. By doing this it will cue them to the fun time of practicing it and the meaning you gave them for it and hopefully get them back on track quickly. Ultimately it’s about coming alongside your child to get their needs met, in a way that works for both of you!
For further, in-depth information go to www.child.tcu.edu. There’s a ton of TBRI videos and content there to help you.