TBRI Tip #10: Rituals

Have you ever considered the importance of a ritual in your child’s life? TBRI teaches about rituals as an essential part of the Empowering Principles to help build an environment of safety and connection. First let’s define the difference between a ritual, verses a routine. A routine is something that needs to be done daily such as dinner and setting the table, bedtime and brushing teeth or getting books on the way out for school drop off. Routines are an important way to help a child have a predictable day by knowing what to expect. Routines help your child’s body calm down and creates Felt Safety (TBRI Tips #4). Rituals also provide Felt Safety, but they are something that is unique just between you and your child. At their core, rituals deepen connection and allow relationships to be strengthened. In addition, daily rituals help children to practice other skills including memory, concentration, regulation and attention. Using these skills while connecting with you during a special ritual, will help your child feel successful. 

Teach and Apply Rituals 

Rituals are unique to each family and can include anything you think of. If possible, think of a time of the day where you can add in a fun ritual anchored to something you do every day. Be sure to consider whether you will have the time and emotional bandwidth to do the ritual each time, as your child will come to look forward to and expect it. Foregoing a built-in ritual will likely disappoint your child. Rituals provide connection that says, “we have something special”. One example is a special handshake just between you and your child done at a specific time each day, like before dropping off for school. Let them make it up with you and practice it with them, even making a mistake on purpose so they can show you the right way. In time this will become your ritual connected with school drop off and will give your child the feeling of deep connection. Over the years you may need to modify that ritual to adapt to their age, like doing it secretly in the car so others can’t see, but it will always be special between the two of you. Another example is a dinner time ritual of going around the table to talk about high and low parts of the day. Also, a bedtime ritual could be a back massage while singing a song. The ideas are endless and should feel right for both of you to create that special closeness between you and your child. By doing daily rituals you are helping to provide an environment that helps your child’s body feel safe.