TBRI Tip #20: Structure and Nurture Part 2

Last time we learned about low and high Nurture/Structure combinations lead to 4 defined parenting styles and how we can modify them. As you learned, to be effective with children from hard places, we need to have a balance between Nurture and Structure for connecting while correcting. If we are overly focused on Structure such as consequences, punishment and rules, we’ll push our kids into worse behavior. If we are overly focused on Nurture such as not setting appropriate boundaries or giving needed guidance because ‘they’ve already been through so much’ will not help your child learn to regulate their behavior and will ultimately hurt them more. To further emphasize the importance of Nurture/Structure balance and why we’d want to change, today we’ll look at the impact each particular style can have on a child by looking at common outcomes for each.

The Authoritative Style-high Nurture, high Structure. This is what TBRI recommends. With this type of parenting style, children show fewer behavioral problems, less internal distress, better social and academic success and higher self-esteem. 

The Authoritarian Style-low Nurture, high Structure. With this type of parenting style, common outcomes are children show less confidence, are more self-conscious, have more conduct problems, have lower self-esteem and higher behaviors in adolescence.

The Permissive Style-high Nurture, low Structure. Common outcomes for kids from this type of parenting style is lower self-regulation, higher misconduct, lower performance academically and higher use of substances.

The Neglectful Style-low Nurture, low Structure. Children from this type of parenting style have lower work performance, higher delinquency during adolescence, higher use of drugs, higher behavior problems and struggle significantly more psychological difficulties. 

Apply Nurture and Structure

Understanding the possible long-term effects of different parenting styles can help encourage us to modify our style now, for the outcome we want later. Looking at the chart below you can see the X axis is for Low (-) and High (+) Nurture and the Y axis is for Low (-) and High (+) Structure. You can imagine a dot at the intersection of where you think your parenting style is now and another one for where you’d like it to be. The difference between these two dots, is what you’re working towards each day for a positive outcome for your child.