TBRI Tip #25: IDEAL Response
After applying TBRI Connecting and Empowering Principles, there still will be some behaviors to address. The TBRI IDEAL Response is a framework for responding to behavior that allows the child to feel safe and connected and learn how to do the behavior correctly the next time. IDEAL is an acronym that can help you remember how to respond when your child has a behavior. Try to notice the smaller behaviors first-throwing instead of handing something to you or another person, talking mouthy, whining or complaining, rolling eyes etc and start using IDEAL on those behaviors first. This will help you practice this new way of responding, while not being too overwhelmed with their behavior. It also will allow your child to begin to trust that you are there to help them learn new behaviors in a positive, connected way so they feel content and their behavior is changed. Using the IDEAL Response helps prevent overdoing our response with punishment such as time-out, grounding, consequences or spanking, which may accomplish getting the correct behavior, but it doesn’t teach the child how to appropriately get their needs met. Even more so, harsh words or threats frighten a child and can cause them to have worse behavior and less trust in you.
Apply IDEAL Response
Immediate- go to your child immediately (within 3 seconds or as soon as possible) when a behavior occurs.
Direct- get to their level by squatting or bending over and make eye contact.
Efficient- respond to the level of the behavior. If it’s something small, then respond in a more playful way to get back on track. If it’s a bit bigger behavior, give them voice by having a structured response that’s asks them if they want a choice or compromise for the situation which is causing them to have behavior. When the behavior is more escalated, your child will first need help calming down and that should be your focus. Once they are calm, you can go back to a more structured or playful interaction and apply the next steps.
Action-Based- having the child practice doing what you want them to do is a way they’ll remember it better and can feel a sense of accomplishment during the behavior rather than defeated and threatened. It’s called a re-do and is not a punishment but a way that with your child, they can learn new skills on how to get their needs met. Or you might need to do shared-problem solving as your action-based step so that you and your child can talk through what they need and help them know how to get it appropriately next time. Asking your child to use their words to express what they need is another action-based way of helping your child learn new ways to use their words rather than using behaviors.
Leveled at the behavior, not the child- stay focused on what the behavior is that isn’t acceptable and not that he/she is a bad child. Usually children from hard places already have enough shame and this will not encourage better behavior or learning.
For further, in-depth information go to www.child.tcu.edu.