TBRI Tip #26: Re-do’s

A few weeks ago we looked at the TBRI IDEAL Response as a way of staying connected with our kids while changing behavior or correcting. One part of IDEAL is A=Action-based with re-dos. Re-dos are helping the child to learn the right thing to do and feel successful. Let’s take a look at why re-dos are helpful in changing behavior. 

For children their motor memory, that is their body or active memory, drives learning. Many kids from hard places will have motor memories for behaviors that allowed them to survive or cope with their previous home situation. Survival behaviors can include aggression, control, manipulation or anger. These are their motor memory behaviors rooted in fear, sensory overwhelm and surviving harsh circumstances. When they have an unmet need or are fearful now, their default is to behave through motor memory. This is the easier path in their brain to go since previous repeated experiences created well worn pathways. Brain cells that fire together often are then wired together, forming neural pathways that lead to automatic behavioral responses. These kids need their parent to help guide them to using new behaviors, so they can replace maladaptive motor memories with motor memories for appropriate behaviors.

Apply Re-dos 

Re-dos are physical do overs that are experiential so the child learns by saying or doing it again in a way that’s more appropriate. Re-dos are not punishment. They are a way to help your child learn new ways to get their needs met. When your child has a problem or behavior, you can respond in a way that lets them know it’s not okay to have the behavior -yell, take something away, say mean words, throw things etc. but you’ll work with them to do it again, the right way.

If they are dysregulated, help them to calm down FIRST then you ask them to do or say it again by saying, “Try it again” or “Use good words” to get them to re-do the behavior they just did, but in an appropriate way. Then you can praise them for using the new skill by saying, “Great job putting the toy down gently!” or You did a good job using your words.” Praising with specific words called, Marking the Task, helps to seal it into their memory so they can use the new behavior in the future to get their needs met. Re-dos are a great tool as they get the pathways for the appropriate behaviors to form and it becomes easier for your child to go to over time. But to keep it realistic, it takes many repetitions of the new behavior for a new pathway to form, yet you’ll be making progress toward it each time you do.