TBRI Tip #27: Tracking Down Your Triggers

Do you find that sometimes your child can do or say something that gets you really upset and causes you to overreact? You may logically know that your negative feelings of anger, frustration or betrayal are way bigger than the infraction or behavior that your child just did but can’t help having the reaction. Maybe it doesn’t even make sense to feel irritated about it, like for example when a young child is overly needy, you feel like they should just get over it and get it together. Or does their anger cause you to get angry? Often our overexaggerated feelings come from somewhere else rather than the child or situation right in front of us. That is, we’re triggered. Being aware of being triggered in the present moment is half the battle. The TBRI Mindfulness Strategy describes mindfulness as bringing one’s complete attention to the present moment. By observing what’s actually going on in the present moment, we can connect to whether our reaction is about us or them. An overreaction due to our own stuff can be a barrier to connection. As we overreact, it causes our child not to feel connected, trust us or feel safe, which is exactly what we don’t want.

Apply Tracking down your Triggers

As we begin to understand this circular pattern, we can break it by focusing on what our thoughts, feelings and reactions are in the moment with our child. It’s helpful to write these things down as it disentangles our thoughts to clarify them from our feelings and our reaction. Then, as it states in the TBRI Mindfulness Strategy, we ask our self, “Is this about my child, is this about me, or is this about my history?” and then you can write that down. Over time you can begin to have better self-awareness and be able to respond rather than react to your child. This will allow you to be truly present to connect with your child and help them, without your stuff getting in the way.